Darkest Night
by Emmeebee
Summary: Guilt-ridden after his friends' actions almost lead to Snape's death, Remus retreats to the Astronomy Tower to be alone.


A/N: Thank you to Abby (Cookies-and-Ink) for betaing this.

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Remus closed his eyes as he leant back against the cool stone of the walls of the Astronomy Tower. The world around him was as silent and still as a grave, almost as if all sound had been stripped away entirely. His only source of light was the small lantern he had Transfigured his watch into. Other than that, everything was dark and hidden. Sitting there like that in the dead of night, he could almost imagine he was the only living creature in the world.

It would be a lot simpler if he were. If he were, he wouldn't have to see the way his parents tensed up whenever he was angry or upset. If he were, he wouldn't have to watch everyone else dream of big futures while he tried to recluse himself for their safety.

If he were, he wouldn't have almost killed another student.

Of course, the world wasn't the problem. He was. James and Peter kept saying there was nothing he could have done, but that only made things worse. If Remus had intended to hurt Snape, then there would have been something specific they could fix. Something _Albus Dumbledore_ could fix. But he hadn't; he had been trying to mind his own business.

Even when he was trying his best not to hurt anyone, he was dangerous. And nothing would ever change that. Dumbledore had given him an opportunity that nobody else would have, and all Remus was doing was proving that he was wrong to give him that chance.

His eyes glanced over to the small wall that wrapped around the edge of the tower. He had climbed it once on a dare; he could do it again.

 _No_. Remus forced his gaze away and put his head in his hands, his shoulders slumping forward. As much as he might want to, as much as he might think it was better for him or his friends or the world, he couldn't.

"Remus?"

He flinched at the sound of the familiar yet unexpected voice, and he looked up to see Lily standing in the doorway. She was holding her wand aloft in one hand, using the bright light emanating from its tip to illuminate her immediate surrounds. In the other, she held a plate of food.

"Are you alright? I didn't see you at the party earlier. Of course, it's the same obnoxious post-game celebration as always, so I don't blame you for skipping out."

"I'm fine."

"Right." Her eyes scanned the empty rooftop. "Do you mind if I stay here for a while? Your friend Potter was being a prick again, and I really don't want to go back yet."

"Sure." He would rather she didn't, but he knew how his friends could get. He moved his lantern over so there was space next to him.

"Excellent." She beamed and sat down beside him. "I'll even share my treats with you."

Remus peered over at the plate. He hadn't eaten since lunch – an unfortunate by-product of avoiding everyone – and was starving. When he saw what was on them, however, his hopes fell. "Asparagus rolls?"

Lily shrugged. "I don't like them much, but it was the plate with the most food left."

"I can see why," he said.

She let out a fake gasp and moved the plate away. "Are you insulting my offering?"

He rolled his eyes, but a smirk was playing at his lips. "Maybe."

She snorted and put it on the ground between them. "Fair enough. As I said, it's not that appetising to me either, but food's food."

"Is that the kind of keen observational skills Hogwarts is imparting in its top students?" Remus asked, his voice laced with humour. It felt nice to be able to joke around with someone like this again.

"It wishes," she said, grinning.

Taking one of the rolls, he bit into it gratefully. "Thanks, by the way."

"Anytime." Lily picked up a roll and used it to salute him.

"Very professional."

"I try."

They laughed, and the tower seemed warmer somehow. For the next twenty minutes, they ate happily, alternating between joking around and talking.

" – and that is how an Acromantula puts on its shoes and socks," he finished.

"That has to be the worst joke I have ever heard," Lily insisted, but her eyes were bright with amusement and her smile was bigger than he'd ever seen it.

"Really?" he asked. "Don't you remember back in first year when Sirius thought that, 'No, I'm Sirius' gag was the funniest thing in the world?"

"Oh my goodness, that was torture. I thought he would never grow out of it."

"Just think: _We didn't get to go to a different dormitory each night_."

She laughed, and it made him think of sunshine and blue skies. In that moment, Remus could see why James had such a big crush on her.

"You know, you never told me why _you_ came up here," she said when the mirth faded away. "I would have thought you would want to celebrate the win with your friends. Isn't Quidditch, like, your thing?"

His good mood fled at the reminder. He had managed to forget about them, and her words made all the frustration and hurt come rushing in again. "Sirius and I are fighting," he said. "Besides, it's more their thing than mine, really."

"Oh. I'm sorry. That would explain why I haven't seen all four of you together lately."

"That would be it," he said with a glibness he didn't feel.

Lily didn't reply immediately. Instead, she watched him, her gaze assessing, for a few moments before saying, "I'm sure you'll make up eventually."

"I'm not. This... What he did – it was bad. Really bad." Then, because he was awkward and desperate to change the subject – and, apparently, to torture himself – he asked, "How's Snape doing?"

Lily frowned. "Alright. He's still hanging out with Mulciber and that lot, but it is what it is."

It seemed that he hadn't told her what happened. That was something, at least. "You deserve better, Lily."

"I know I do," she said, "but so does he."

Remus smiled sadly. She had said enough in the past for him to know that Snape didn't have a good home life, but she hadn't told him any of the details. It was better that way. He and Lily had struck up an easy friendship, but there was no way Snape would want any of the Marauders to know anything more than his name – and even that was doubtful. "When are you going to decide that enough is enough?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "Do camels ever know which straw is going to be the one that breaks them?"

He wasn't familiar with the expression, but he was able to piece together the gist of it. "Is he worth breaking over?"

Lily's gaze wandered over to the place where the light from his lantern petered off into darkness. "I used to think so."

"And now?"

She sighed. "I don't know anymore."

Looking back over at him, she added: "What about your friends? Are they worth it?"

Yes. Yes, they were. Leaning forward, Remus kissed Lily's forehead. Her hair smelled like pears. "Thank you."

Lily gave him a confused smile. "I'm not entirely certain what you're thanking me for, but whatever it is, you're welcome."

"For keeping me company, and for reminding me about what really matters." He stood up, brushing the crumbs off his robes. "I'm going to head back. Do you want to come with me? I can run interference with James for you."

"Sure." She shrunk the plate and stuffed it in her pocket before leaping to her feet. "Let's go and brave the horrors of the Common Room."


End file.
